I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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