no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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