I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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