She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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