The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
