singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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