i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
