As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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