my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
