Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
