I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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