Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
