I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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