Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
