And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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