you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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