I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
