just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
