i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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