she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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