is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
