maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
