Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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