Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
