Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
