I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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