I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
