Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
