I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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