She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
