fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
