im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
