A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she woke up with a sticky ear
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
