I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
