somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
