ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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