Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
PANTIES FOUND
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
