i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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