When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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