i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
