I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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