no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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