Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
