five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
