her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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