I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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