after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
