also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The beer is more important than you right now.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
