i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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