I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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