she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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