He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just want to make out with him forever
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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