Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
