Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
