Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
