he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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