take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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