Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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