there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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