If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
