$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
