Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
