God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
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He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize