Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
