Apparently you make a good broom.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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