also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I want to have your abortion
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
