her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
