Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
