is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
