so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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