I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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