Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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