How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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