I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
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anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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