Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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