my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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