Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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