Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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