Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
