I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
