At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sext me about skeletons
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize