Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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