I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
