I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
How naked do you want me to be?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
